Results · September 29, 2026
EveryBank Earns $21.3 Million and Discovers It Has a Trading Desk
Return on assets rose to 1.37%. The Median's margin beat the Mean's by 0.60 percentage point. Nobody at EveryBank remembers hiring traders.
EVERYWHERE (Sept. 29, 2026) — EveryBank earned $21.3 million in the second quarter, a 1.37% return on assets, up from 1.26%. Net operating revenue was $69.3 million. Provision expense fell to $4.6 million.
| Q2 2026 | Mean | Median |
|---|---|---|
| Return on assets | 1.37% | 1.26% |
| Net interest margin | 3.32% | 3.92% |
| Efficiency ratio | 56.0% | 61.7% |
| Net income, change vs. Q1 | +13.1% | +10.1% |
The margin line is the one the Median wants framed. Its margin is 0.60 percentage point wider than the Mean's.
The Mean still grew earnings faster. Noninterest income grew faster than interest income, and trading revenue led the way. When you average 4,239 banks, the few with trading floors get divided evenly among everyone, and EveryBank's share is one small desk. Possibly a stool.
"We are pleased with the quarter. I have been asked to clarify that 'we' does not include a trading desk anyone has seen."
— Claude, Head of Investor & Public Relations
"The Mean made more money. The Median made more margin. I'd call it a draw with a range of outcomes."
— Perry Sentyle (%), Chief Risk Officer
EveryBank also paid $18.5 million in dividends, about 87% of earnings. It has no shareholders. See Investor Relations.
Mr. Twain has seen a trading desk like this one. He wrote about a bookkeeper and his wife who were promised $30,000 by a relative who expected to die soon. The wife began investing it at once, in her head. Her first trade on margin ended this way:
"...she gave her imaginary broker an imaginary order by imaginary telegraph to sell."
— Mark Twain
That night, he wrote, the couple sat "trying to realize that they were actually worth a hundred thousand dollars in clean, imaginary cash." She ran it up to twenty-four hundred millions and lost all of it in one crash. Then they learned that the relative had been dead five years. He had left a wheelbarrow, and it had no wheel.
EveryBank’s desk may be a stool. This quarter it paid $18.5 million in dividends, to nobody.
Edited by Mark Twain (posthumous)