Our people · Management · Staff
Meet the average.
EveryBank's staff is exactly what the average bank website shows you: stock photography. We just tell you so. Management declined to be photographed; the arithmetic doesn't have a good side.
Management
Reports the industry's outcome every quarter. Has never missed guidance. Has never beaten it.
Keeps two sets of books, the mean and the median, and says the distance between them is the only interesting thing he does.
Says he speaks only in ranges, then doesn't. Sees risk in people, not models. Has a retraction on file.
Staff
Selected from a candidate pool of 1,060,050 similar images. Has explained profit spikes to a male project manager, continuously, since the photo was taken.
Median, mostly
Joined from In Meeting With His Colleagues. Finances the lot behind the average $50,089 car. Has never looked happier.
Mean
Gen X. Writes the monthly CPI breakdown, on the day BLS releases it, as someone who pays those prices. Would prefer money. Doesn't make enough. Has mostly stopped caring. Still listens to Green Day.
Neither. Disgusted with both
Bank employee for life. Keeps the mortgages on the books, where community banks have kept them for a decade. His rallying cry: more SFR.
Median
Thirty. Wants to sell the mortgage book and build a trading desk. Was in middle school for the financial crisis. Believes house prices always go up. May be poached.
Mean
Promises more than the average. Delivers the average. For the 9.7% of banks that run a trust business at all.
Mean
Runs the funding source the median bank lives on: 97% of its liabilities are deposits, and it borrows nothing from the Home Loan Bank.
Median
Knows the customers by name, which is how the median bank still gets its business.
Median
Grew up a short way up the Mississippi from EveryBank's headquarters. Enforces one rule: every Twain quote on this site must be one he actually wrote. “If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.” (Notebook, 1894.)
Neutral